Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Rolling Stone 500: (496) Destroyer by Kiss [1976]

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. Destroyer  is a certifiably terrible album. Really, it sounds like a parody of Kiss. Everything is hard rock cliche. The high production value really amplifies how bad the band, especially the singing, is.

"Detroit Rock City," an average song at best, starts off this clunker. "King of the Night Time World" is comical. "God of Thunder" has to be a parody of the entire Alice Cooper "Welcome to My Nightmare" record. If it isn't, um, wow. They sound like a comic book band; at this point I did not want to continue. But I had to push onward.

"Great Expectations" has some of the worst lyrics I have ever heard. "Flaming Youth" and "Sweet Pain" would sound alright if the band could play even halfway decently, but they can't, so those don't. "Shout It Out Loud" may as well be that Starship song, it's that bad.

And by this time I wanted to just hang myself and then shoot myself in the head while slitting my wrists and being eaten by Dick Cheney. Then "Beth" came on and it was a decent tune! Maybe that is because the drums and guitars are nowhere to be heard. Probably. And also, it is not nearly as misogynistic as all the other songs.

Suddenly, all that was blown away by these words "You really like my limousine / You like the way the wheels roll / You like my seven inch...leather heels." Get it!?! Like, you think he will say "penis" but he doesn't. But he's eluding to it! Brilliant! It works on multiple levels! Songwriting! Seriously, kill me. Kill me now.

I can't believe this band became so big. They are just...just so bad. It is just like the terribleness of hair metal. I guess that would be why it is on this list. It inspired terrible people with a terrible sense of humor and taste to make terrible music. Really, if you want to hear a band that actually rocks, not in a Mickey Mouse sort of way, but actually in a rock 'n' roll way, listen to the New York Dolls.
  • Best song: "Beth"
  • Worst song: All the rest of them, especially "Do You Love Me?" "God of Thunder" and Great Expectations"
  • Verdict: One and a half stars out of five
  • Next up: New Day Rising by Hüsker Dü (Rate Your Music predicts I will give it a 4.07)

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